If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
