In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
