i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
