he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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