If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
