Only a mothe r could love this liver
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
