every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
