Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
