this beer tastes like vomit already
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The ass gains better be worth it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
