my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
