It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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