i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
