'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
