I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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