haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
