i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
tell me about the eggs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
