i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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