hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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