Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
