His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
