Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
