and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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