So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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