bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
