I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
