I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Vodka?
Forever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
