Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
