god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
