Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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