you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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