I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They have beer where we have blood.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
