so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
