In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
