Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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