I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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