the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
