Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
