I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
