This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
