If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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