I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
