Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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