Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
