Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
