In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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