Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
