I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
