I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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