I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
