She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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