Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
