id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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