WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
