life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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