I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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