Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
