Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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