remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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