new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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