I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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