one two three fourrrrnication!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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