I'm going to jail i love you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
